Note: This post is taken from other posts that I've made on a message board in the last few days. What is listed in bold italics are others' responses to my posts. What's in brackets are extra notes.
I thought about writing an essay, but as I wrote these posts, I realized that they are my essays. These issues are deeply personal to me, and lenghty, but I decided I finally needed to get some things off my chest.I.
At at blogger’s meeting last night[September 25th}, I had a testy exchange with another person–still don’t know his name or blog. [I'm sure I'll find out eventually]
What happened was that we were all talking about the big bailout, and the conversation somehow moved to entitlements for poor people.
This person’s opinion was that the poor (in Western countries) chose to be this way and we are spending way too much tax money..they don’t deserve it …etc.
I suppose I had a flashback. I grew up poor with a single mother in inner city housing projects, and I had bad memories of teachers, social workers, and others with the same opinion and not shy about letting their dislike of the poor be known to my mother and my brothers and sisters.
Anyway, I told him that I didn’t appreciate his statements. My mother didn’t “choose” the circumstances she got placed into (a husband deserting her when she was pregnant with twins), and she did the best she could to raise us to be responsible people (I think she did an outstanding job!)
Anyway, I’m sick to death of the “shiny happy poor people” myth, and I have no jealousy of someone who lives in a dangerous, drug and crime infested neighborhood with no grocery stores and poor schools and bleak futures.
Poverty sucks! Why all the hate?
Thanks for letting me vent. I know this has been done before.
II.
There are some things that people can do to help themselves that they don’t always do. But you could say that for almost anyone in almost any circumstance. Some people have far more of a safety net than others.
How true.
I remember being with a group of women who were social workers, and one told a story of how angry she was at a client who’s daughter got a really expensive purse from an uncle. The social worker was angry that this girl on welfare was carrying a more expensive purse than she could afford.
I pointed out to the social worker, that it may be a good thing to give someone poor something of value and not trash, and that I hope she doesn’t relay that attitude to her clients. I also told her about my own upbringing.
She said, “Well, you don’t sound like you grew up poor.”
$#@!!!
III.
It’s not about the purse. It’s that the child was being treated as if she wasn’t worthy of the purse. As if an object was above her.That was my problem with the social worker’s attitude, and I suspect that her clients picked up on her jealously and bitterness. I know I did with the way that a few spoke to my mother.
Mind you, I’m not dumping on social workers. I remember one in particular who went above and beyond her job description to help my mother in at a pretty low point, and I’m forever grateful.
IV.
My mother fed us pretty well with the food stamps we got. At times, we would get cold stares from people if we brought cookies, cake , or ice creme, but she did it anyway.
I knew of people that flat out cheated to get more benefits and probably wouldn’t work if you handed them a good job. What upset me about that gentleman’s points last night is that he made it an across the board statement and that he felt that the government spends too much money on poor people.
Poor people are humans too.
V.
And what would he have the government spend money on? Did he have an answer for that? Unfortunately, I hear the same stuff every day. You’re right–lack of money doesn’t equal lower-than-human.I didn’t get that far in the conversation with the gentleman because I got too angry and decided to shut up, but I’m glad I can vent here.
VI.
Thanks so much for your responses. I had gotten so angry last night. It just gets under my &$#@ to see the contempt some people have for the poor. Usually, I’m pretty cool about it on the outside, but I just wasn’t having it last night.
I snapped back to the poor little girl who heard her mother being humiliated by a social worker, but this time, I could say something. I’m certain I didn’t change his feelings about poor people, but I gather he’ll be just a little more careful spouting off next time.
Although poor, my mother raised us pretty well and with a minimum of chaos although we have our dysfunctions like most families. I grew up in a household in which learning was encouraged.
We later moved from New York City to the South where my uncles stepped in as father figures for my siblings and me. My mom started working and got off some public assistance although we stayed on food stamps (now South Carolina uses EBT cards) for a while afterward.
To date, all six of us have done okay, some very well. All work, some have degrees. No jail, No children outside of marriage.
I stated this earlier, but it bears repeating, why so much vitriol against someone who lives in a dangerous neighborhood, environmentally dangerous dwelling who can’t let their child play outside, who can’t get fresh fruits and vegetables nearby, etc?
There’ll be no hate from me. I know how blessed I’ve been.
VII.
More generally, the causes of poverty are complex and varied; I think some people are just not able or willing to think enough about the issue to understand how poverty develops. It is easier to say that people choose it, than to think/do anything about the root causes, which may mean that those with the wealth/power to effect the most sweeping changes would lose some of their “privileges.” The fact that some of these so-called privileges (like good public schools) should be equally available to all totally escapes them.
This is what I wish I could have said instead of just getting mad. Thanks.
VIII.
In the meantime, I’d encourage anyone interested in the subject to check out a book called Myth of the Welfare Queen.
I have to check the book out. Thanks for the link.
ETA: Someday, I’d like to write an essay entitled If my mother was a Welfare Queen, does that make me a Princess?
(It’s early, work with me:-)
IX.
Much as MofWQ did to expose just how broken the system is, I just wonder how much of it has really sunk in as far as public perceptions of those in the system (and what they have to deal with!) are concerned.My guess is from what people (of different races) say to be because the don’t perceive me having grown up on public assistance is that, in general, and sadly, perceptions haven’t changed greatly.
What especially saddened me about the social worker who was angry about the child with the expensive purse, is that she had a job where she faced the poor daily. She might be a consummate professional and been able to hide her bitterness, but what I often saw as a child was a spiral of anger and mistrust on both sides.
One of my dearest friends was a social worker. She came from a single-mother, working poor family, and we talked about some of the craziness and chaos she saw in some of her client’s lives and how angry that made her. On the other hand, she knew it was her responsibility to treat all her clients with dignity and respect. So she also had to take care of herself and her feelings as well.
X.
Go ahead and write the essay! Maybe you have already started it, here in this thread
Thanks for the encouragement.
It’s something that been in my heart for years. When I hear the ugliness spewed on single-inner city moms, I want to put a human face on it, show the diversity and the tremendous amount of stress that many of these women are under.
My mother was a strong, well read, and intelligent woman who got involved with the wrong man. She was abandoned with twins and toddlers at 24 years old, and she did what she had to do. She didn’t always do the right thing–who does–but she showed more courage and steadfastness than I think I would have.
Her approach to things was steady and gentle. I’m much more emotional and fiery. It’s a mother/daughter thing, but, it pains me that she and other women like her are painted as greedy dregs on society.
The perception that they are just empty headed hoes popping out kids and leading lives of luxury is so wrong. Many just end up on the wrong path with little hope or support or options.
I’m not at all saying that there aren’t any who manipulate the system; you’ll have that in every group. It’s just that the manipulators are a small minority, but the haters have turned it around to make others believe that the cheaters are the majority.
Most welfare moms love their children and try to do the very best for them with what they have just like any other group of moms. Some are better equipped and some are not.
My head isn’t stuck in the sand. There are major problems with poor education, drugs, crime, and despair in America’s inner cities that knot themselves in a vicious circle, but
hate-based initiatives aren’t going to solve anything. They may sound good, and play to the fear and prejudice of certain constituencies, and blow up the internet for a time but they solve nothing.
So what do I propose? How can we pick apart the knot?
If I knew the exactly how to proceed, I’d write my essay and pack for Oslo to accept my Noble Prize, but I know that so much of the solution lies in how badly does the rest of society really want to change things.
Apparently, I have started my essay. The guy at the blogger’s meeting might have been the spark I needed.
